god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
