you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
