just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
