Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize