He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize