he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We left the knife in your bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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