Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize