Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
