bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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