she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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