the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
