planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
