He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize