Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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