i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
