I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize