I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
