he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize