bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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