First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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