do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
