Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
