I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
