Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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