we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
