Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize