Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
