my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it glows. i had to have it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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