Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
