yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found the puke drawer
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I want a musical about memes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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