and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dicks are not precious.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
