HIV tests are more positive than that guy
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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