one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
