wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
