I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
