Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
