I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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