Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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