You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
