i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
