I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
