my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
