I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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