Plan B is the new Plan A
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
