I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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