There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
