TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
