just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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