Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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