The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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