just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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