i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
