Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
