its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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