He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize