a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
