Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
