my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
