I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
