I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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