You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
