it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
