i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
