We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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