She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
