So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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