The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
