I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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