We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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