At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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