i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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