i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
