proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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