I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
