this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pee on everything he values.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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