im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
