The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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