their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
