Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
