The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
