Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
