Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
