remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
