hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And then he peed in my hair
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