Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
