Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
