The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
