I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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